It's Been a Long Time

I know it’s been a long, long time since I wrote but life here is so busy, I just don’t have a lot of time to write down what’s on my mind much. But I do right now so here it goes;

ESOAL

It’s been way over a month and I have learned a lot about myself. I’ll start at the beginning;

ESOAL: It started at 8:50 pm on Wednesday, September 16^th. We had the anticipation of it starting the whole day. When we did start it was drizzling outside in a misty sort of awkward, cold way. We wore our “ESOAL Helmets” (which are just toy army helmets from Wal-Mart) that we painted our numbers which were our names for those four horrible and trying days. My number was 138 (what was on my helmet, 11-06-138, that was the company-platoon-name-number, everyone got a different number (each company was different there were a different number of platoons and everyone had a different number, example: 09-03-486). There were 11 companies (mine was the 11^th, duh) and our name was… VERGINIA!! VA – ALL DAY, ALL NIGHT – WE FIGHT! YEAH! I loved our company, and I had such an encouraging platoon, I could have never gotten as far as I did without them. There was Bill, our Sergeant-Major, then JP, Josh, Jacob, Megan, Sarah, Cristina, and myself. We got very close and it was just crazy!

But that night we didn’t get a chance to sleep until midnight or so (we really didn’t, know what time it was ever). And there was this weird “ESOAL rain” that fell most of the time; it was this sort of misty falling rain that really wasn’t rain but even less than what a spitting rain is. It was super cold and awkward, because it was wet but not enough to get you soaked though but it left you chilled and shivery. And the thing was that we weren’t allowed to shiver… weird. We weren’t allowed to do many normal things because we were supposed to have “self control.” It was just intense!!

Some of the things we did before I quit (or rang out - however you want to put it) were really crazy. I can’t put them in order because your mind gets all deboggled and confused and things just don’t add up because it’s all crazy and the facilitators are running you around in circles and running you into the ground and all over the place and…. That’s a lot of ands… BUT, you just can’t put stuff in order except for the first and last thing I did. The first thing we did after it started, was rainy corporate out on the football field getting all muddy and covered in grass… CRAZY! Then we went into the admin building and did more corporate in the cold air conditioning and then we went to learn how to march and stuff. Actually that part was fun, the stuff that we did after that I’m not telling – otherwise I might give something away to those planning on coming here. (Shhhh…. A lot is a secret…) But the following morning at some strange hour before dawn (probably about a hour before the sun rose) we woke up and did our usual 2 loops and then went to the old obstacle course (or the sand pit) and did all this weird stuff in the water – that was fun too, looking back on it.

Just to say, it rained so much!!! When it wasn’t raining we were off getting wet and if we were trying to get dry it was raining… this happened the whole one day I was in ESAOL. But on a different note, the stuff we did consisted of; Log PT, sitting still for I don’t know how long, crawling across the football field, pulling a bus and running all over the campus, and then some other things and crazy stuff and we ate gross food that was supposedly good for us. But then… before the sun went away my company went up to the New OC and ran it twice but I fell off one of the obstacles and got facilitated and then, at that point I decided to ring the bell and quit.

What was going on in my head? Well, at the time I was very sore from the Obstacle Course and I had a hard time walking – I let it go to my head that I was injured and that I would only slow my company down if I stayed and that my leaving would benefit them. I was crying and hobbling and inconsolable. I was a mess! I had thought about the things that I use to tell myself when I was faced with others having to help me out; I’m too fat… they can’t carry me… I’m not good enough… things like that. I even cried out to God for help – but never even listened to His answer. So, in the end; I rang The Bell and quit (even though before, I was so pumped and told everyone that there wasn’t a bell… it was just a mindset thing).

But what I learned was that I have a tendency to praise God in the good times and forget to call on Him and rely on myself when things get hard – and I should rely on Him all the time no matter what! I actually didn’t figure this out until my AP (accountability partner) mentioned at dinner that I could have forgotten to ask God to help me and give me strength to finish (she finished by the way). And it clicked and I figured out what I had done and that that was an area of my life I needed to work on – and I have. I’ve learned a lot from this LTE. It was intense and a lot happened.

After I rang out – there was more to ESOAL than ESOAL, there was the Service LTE going on at the same time – it was for those who quit or never even started so that they (we) had a part in ESOAL. The day after I rang out I had to make the breakfast for the remaining participants, strait up nasty (nutritious) LENTALS! They smelled bad and I had to make it for them to eat – they ate it!! But that’s all I’m going to say about the food. And I dusted Banana Leafs in the Global Expeditions Call Center! That was exciting.

But I know I could have made it I had just stuck it out and relied on God for my strength. What they tell you before ESOAL is – “the best way to finish ESOAL is to choose joy”. I did not; I chose the shower and the real food (which didn’t really feel like it was really).

THE WEEK OF THE RING

After that we had THE WEEK OF THE RING! That is the week coming up to getting your Honor Ring for the HA. The Januarys here are getting close to their graduation and I’m going to miss them so much!! I love T.J. and Melody! But at the banquet (we got to dress all pretty and look like princesses…lol) we had some really fun stuff. We got to light candles and give awards and worship, it was fun.

But, during the week before the banquet, we had lots of seminars and speakers on Honor and what makes up the different parts of Honor. It was really good. There was the one on friendship and loyalty and valor and courage and also honor itself. We learned about fools and how to get wiser, and The Line – which is the group of people who get the ring from HA and live honorably. They keep each other accountable and will help each other in times of crisis – even when it’s hard for them. It works like the body of Christ should – we should always be raising each other up and glorifying God Almighty. HA is such a place to grow and learn – and the teachers are always willing to debate theological differences with you. It’s just so amazing!

FASTING

The Fasting LTE. OH – MY – GOODNESS! That was the one LTE I was looking forward to this whole semester so far. I was excited about being able to get to know God better and find his plan for me. But, going up to the LTE; God was speaking to me and telling me not to be disappointed if I didn’t get what I wanted. I knew I needed healing in my heart and that I was storing a bunch of bitterness and hurt in my soul. Everyone I talked to and all the things continued to read spoke on healing of your heart and forgiveness and how Jesus can heal me on the inside.

Well, what I was expecting to take all weekend happened the day before and the first day of fasting. So I had no idea what was going to happen the rest of the weekend, all the bitterness in my heart was gone and I wasn’t expecting much else. So I sat in the desert of the spirit until it was time for worship again. In between worship sessions, every time I tried getting into Gods presence I fell asleep or couldn’t get anything from it. Only during worship did I ever get anything.

What I did get was that I needed to be more prayerful, have a better prayer life and focus more on others rather than myself. Also, that I am called to wake up a sleeping and dying church body. There are so many churches and people that just go through the motions and put on a clean face for Sundays. When we sang this one song:

God is raising an army

Warriors or the light….

(then) Awaken the watchmen, awaken the watchmen

Gather the people, gather the people…

(then) AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN

(then) Blow the trumpet of Zion, of Zion

When I was singing the AWAKEN part I felt as if I was yelling at somebody to get up – out of their bed – as if there was a fire or something coming towards them and they had no idea! I was very worried – it troubled me a lot.

Then Blaze (one of the weekend’s speakers) began to talk about how we need to watch for the end times and be ready because they are closer that we ever were before. There are so many sings and things showing up – and the funny thing is that right before his sessions I ended up reading in the Bible what he was speaking on. Every time! I read some Daniel and some Revelations before the session on the end times, and there is no such thing as a coincidence! And what he was talking about was waking up the church and reaching all those who haven’t even heard of Christ. He spoke on what was coming and how we can look out for it and how we can connect current events and the scripture references together and look at how close we are. He didn’t tell us very many – he wanted us to research it ourselves.

But after that I still wasn’t sure of what the feeling I had was. Then, after we broke fast, Melody and Megan and I were sitting in my room having a food party/ breakfast and were talking about what we got form the weekend. Melody was speaking on how when she was singing the AWAKEN in the song she realized that she wanted to study the end times greatly and what she needed to do with her studies. At that moment I realized I was called to wake up the church from its sleep and to get it to move and work the way it was intended.

I had realized how dead I was – alive in Christ but dead in my Christianity. It’s just like the Church – I had settled for the ordinary and the mundane and was working for my own intentions, not of Gods. Then I came to this place, The HA, and my spirit was woken up and it’s growing in strength and grace. I have more joy than I could ever realize now and I love Jesus and the Gospel fascinates me more than ever. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO CHISTIANITY THAN CHURCH! God does not care about the works on earth you do if you don’t have a love for his sacrifice for us (that is – Jesus Christ).

CORE

I should probably tell you more about my core (the family of girls that I happen to live with) and my family core (my sisters and the brother core that we have); I have the biggest sister core on campus, 15, we live in 3 rooms and we have 5 people to each room (there could be 6 but there isn’t). My room has T.J., Korina, Eva, Dani, and myself of course. The room across from mine has Sarah S., Sarah C., Megan G., Emily, and Cristina. Then the last (but not least) room has Melody, Olivia, Meghan F., Erika, and Michelle. I love them a lot – and I’m going to miss T.J. and Melody when they leave in less than a month. We have so many inside jokes and funny things that have happened! Cristina and Eva are pranksters (and I’m there accomplice sometimes). Melody is an artist and T.J. is just chill. Sarah C. and Sarah S. are so different it’s not even funny, S.C. is super sweet and S.S. is super... I can’t even think of a word worthy of what she is. Megan is my best bud and Olivia lets you know what’s going on. Erika and Emily are small but they both have huge personalities (and both of them are crazy). Dani and Korina are both sweethearts that love the Lord intensely with all their hearts and souls. Like our core verse says: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might.” – Deut. 6:5. Meghan is just amazing! And or Core advisor is Rachel, the sweetest most motherly and smiley person on this whole campus.

Now our bro’s, a bunch of men chasing after God’s own heart, are just as amazing. There are fewer than we had at the start of the semester, but we still love the few we have. We still have Vini, Josh, Josh (Jersey), Jacob, Brendon, Tim, and Shawn (he’s the January and will be leaving soon). And their CA J.P. They are all so amazing I just can't even go into detail! I love them so much!

More will be coming soon! Don’t worry it won’t be months like it was before.