It's Been a Long Time

I know it’s been a long, long time since I wrote but life here is so busy, I just don’t have a lot of time to write down what’s on my mind much. But I do right now so here it goes;

ESOAL

It’s been way over a month and I have learned a lot about myself. I’ll start at the beginning;

ESOAL: It started at 8:50 pm on Wednesday, September 16^th. We had the anticipation of it starting the whole day. When we did start it was drizzling outside in a misty sort of awkward, cold way. We wore our “ESOAL Helmets” (which are just toy army helmets from Wal-Mart) that we painted our numbers which were our names for those four horrible and trying days. My number was 138 (what was on my helmet, 11-06-138, that was the company-platoon-name-number, everyone got a different number (each company was different there were a different number of platoons and everyone had a different number, example: 09-03-486). There were 11 companies (mine was the 11^th, duh) and our name was… VERGINIA!! VA – ALL DAY, ALL NIGHT – WE FIGHT! YEAH! I loved our company, and I had such an encouraging platoon, I could have never gotten as far as I did without them. There was Bill, our Sergeant-Major, then JP, Josh, Jacob, Megan, Sarah, Cristina, and myself. We got very close and it was just crazy!

But that night we didn’t get a chance to sleep until midnight or so (we really didn’t, know what time it was ever). And there was this weird “ESOAL rain” that fell most of the time; it was this sort of misty falling rain that really wasn’t rain but even less than what a spitting rain is. It was super cold and awkward, because it was wet but not enough to get you soaked though but it left you chilled and shivery. And the thing was that we weren’t allowed to shiver… weird. We weren’t allowed to do many normal things because we were supposed to have “self control.” It was just intense!!

Some of the things we did before I quit (or rang out - however you want to put it) were really crazy. I can’t put them in order because your mind gets all deboggled and confused and things just don’t add up because it’s all crazy and the facilitators are running you around in circles and running you into the ground and all over the place and…. That’s a lot of ands… BUT, you just can’t put stuff in order except for the first and last thing I did. The first thing we did after it started, was rainy corporate out on the football field getting all muddy and covered in grass… CRAZY! Then we went into the admin building and did more corporate in the cold air conditioning and then we went to learn how to march and stuff. Actually that part was fun, the stuff that we did after that I’m not telling – otherwise I might give something away to those planning on coming here. (Shhhh…. A lot is a secret…) But the following morning at some strange hour before dawn (probably about a hour before the sun rose) we woke up and did our usual 2 loops and then went to the old obstacle course (or the sand pit) and did all this weird stuff in the water – that was fun too, looking back on it.

Just to say, it rained so much!!! When it wasn’t raining we were off getting wet and if we were trying to get dry it was raining… this happened the whole one day I was in ESAOL. But on a different note, the stuff we did consisted of; Log PT, sitting still for I don’t know how long, crawling across the football field, pulling a bus and running all over the campus, and then some other things and crazy stuff and we ate gross food that was supposedly good for us. But then… before the sun went away my company went up to the New OC and ran it twice but I fell off one of the obstacles and got facilitated and then, at that point I decided to ring the bell and quit.

What was going on in my head? Well, at the time I was very sore from the Obstacle Course and I had a hard time walking – I let it go to my head that I was injured and that I would only slow my company down if I stayed and that my leaving would benefit them. I was crying and hobbling and inconsolable. I was a mess! I had thought about the things that I use to tell myself when I was faced with others having to help me out; I’m too fat… they can’t carry me… I’m not good enough… things like that. I even cried out to God for help – but never even listened to His answer. So, in the end; I rang The Bell and quit (even though before, I was so pumped and told everyone that there wasn’t a bell… it was just a mindset thing).

But what I learned was that I have a tendency to praise God in the good times and forget to call on Him and rely on myself when things get hard – and I should rely on Him all the time no matter what! I actually didn’t figure this out until my AP (accountability partner) mentioned at dinner that I could have forgotten to ask God to help me and give me strength to finish (she finished by the way). And it clicked and I figured out what I had done and that that was an area of my life I needed to work on – and I have. I’ve learned a lot from this LTE. It was intense and a lot happened.

After I rang out – there was more to ESOAL than ESOAL, there was the Service LTE going on at the same time – it was for those who quit or never even started so that they (we) had a part in ESOAL. The day after I rang out I had to make the breakfast for the remaining participants, strait up nasty (nutritious) LENTALS! They smelled bad and I had to make it for them to eat – they ate it!! But that’s all I’m going to say about the food. And I dusted Banana Leafs in the Global Expeditions Call Center! That was exciting.

But I know I could have made it I had just stuck it out and relied on God for my strength. What they tell you before ESOAL is – “the best way to finish ESOAL is to choose joy”. I did not; I chose the shower and the real food (which didn’t really feel like it was really).

THE WEEK OF THE RING

After that we had THE WEEK OF THE RING! That is the week coming up to getting your Honor Ring for the HA. The Januarys here are getting close to their graduation and I’m going to miss them so much!! I love T.J. and Melody! But at the banquet (we got to dress all pretty and look like princesses…lol) we had some really fun stuff. We got to light candles and give awards and worship, it was fun.

But, during the week before the banquet, we had lots of seminars and speakers on Honor and what makes up the different parts of Honor. It was really good. There was the one on friendship and loyalty and valor and courage and also honor itself. We learned about fools and how to get wiser, and The Line – which is the group of people who get the ring from HA and live honorably. They keep each other accountable and will help each other in times of crisis – even when it’s hard for them. It works like the body of Christ should – we should always be raising each other up and glorifying God Almighty. HA is such a place to grow and learn – and the teachers are always willing to debate theological differences with you. It’s just so amazing!

FASTING

The Fasting LTE. OH – MY – GOODNESS! That was the one LTE I was looking forward to this whole semester so far. I was excited about being able to get to know God better and find his plan for me. But, going up to the LTE; God was speaking to me and telling me not to be disappointed if I didn’t get what I wanted. I knew I needed healing in my heart and that I was storing a bunch of bitterness and hurt in my soul. Everyone I talked to and all the things continued to read spoke on healing of your heart and forgiveness and how Jesus can heal me on the inside.

Well, what I was expecting to take all weekend happened the day before and the first day of fasting. So I had no idea what was going to happen the rest of the weekend, all the bitterness in my heart was gone and I wasn’t expecting much else. So I sat in the desert of the spirit until it was time for worship again. In between worship sessions, every time I tried getting into Gods presence I fell asleep or couldn’t get anything from it. Only during worship did I ever get anything.

What I did get was that I needed to be more prayerful, have a better prayer life and focus more on others rather than myself. Also, that I am called to wake up a sleeping and dying church body. There are so many churches and people that just go through the motions and put on a clean face for Sundays. When we sang this one song:

God is raising an army

Warriors or the light….

(then) Awaken the watchmen, awaken the watchmen

Gather the people, gather the people…

(then) AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN

(then) Blow the trumpet of Zion, of Zion

When I was singing the AWAKEN part I felt as if I was yelling at somebody to get up – out of their bed – as if there was a fire or something coming towards them and they had no idea! I was very worried – it troubled me a lot.

Then Blaze (one of the weekend’s speakers) began to talk about how we need to watch for the end times and be ready because they are closer that we ever were before. There are so many sings and things showing up – and the funny thing is that right before his sessions I ended up reading in the Bible what he was speaking on. Every time! I read some Daniel and some Revelations before the session on the end times, and there is no such thing as a coincidence! And what he was talking about was waking up the church and reaching all those who haven’t even heard of Christ. He spoke on what was coming and how we can look out for it and how we can connect current events and the scripture references together and look at how close we are. He didn’t tell us very many – he wanted us to research it ourselves.

But after that I still wasn’t sure of what the feeling I had was. Then, after we broke fast, Melody and Megan and I were sitting in my room having a food party/ breakfast and were talking about what we got form the weekend. Melody was speaking on how when she was singing the AWAKEN in the song she realized that she wanted to study the end times greatly and what she needed to do with her studies. At that moment I realized I was called to wake up the church from its sleep and to get it to move and work the way it was intended.

I had realized how dead I was – alive in Christ but dead in my Christianity. It’s just like the Church – I had settled for the ordinary and the mundane and was working for my own intentions, not of Gods. Then I came to this place, The HA, and my spirit was woken up and it’s growing in strength and grace. I have more joy than I could ever realize now and I love Jesus and the Gospel fascinates me more than ever. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO CHISTIANITY THAN CHURCH! God does not care about the works on earth you do if you don’t have a love for his sacrifice for us (that is – Jesus Christ).

CORE

I should probably tell you more about my core (the family of girls that I happen to live with) and my family core (my sisters and the brother core that we have); I have the biggest sister core on campus, 15, we live in 3 rooms and we have 5 people to each room (there could be 6 but there isn’t). My room has T.J., Korina, Eva, Dani, and myself of course. The room across from mine has Sarah S., Sarah C., Megan G., Emily, and Cristina. Then the last (but not least) room has Melody, Olivia, Meghan F., Erika, and Michelle. I love them a lot – and I’m going to miss T.J. and Melody when they leave in less than a month. We have so many inside jokes and funny things that have happened! Cristina and Eva are pranksters (and I’m there accomplice sometimes). Melody is an artist and T.J. is just chill. Sarah C. and Sarah S. are so different it’s not even funny, S.C. is super sweet and S.S. is super... I can’t even think of a word worthy of what she is. Megan is my best bud and Olivia lets you know what’s going on. Erika and Emily are small but they both have huge personalities (and both of them are crazy). Dani and Korina are both sweethearts that love the Lord intensely with all their hearts and souls. Like our core verse says: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might.” – Deut. 6:5. Meghan is just amazing! And or Core advisor is Rachel, the sweetest most motherly and smiley person on this whole campus.

Now our bro’s, a bunch of men chasing after God’s own heart, are just as amazing. There are fewer than we had at the start of the semester, but we still love the few we have. We still have Vini, Josh, Josh (Jersey), Jacob, Brendon, Tim, and Shawn (he’s the January and will be leaving soon). And their CA J.P. They are all so amazing I just can't even go into detail! I love them so much!

More will be coming soon! Don’t worry it won’t be months like it was before.

Finally!

So, I haven’t blogged in a long forever time of almost infinity. Sorry about that. Life here just goes on so quickly I even have a hard time remembering what day it is. But today is Saturday and I met my brother core today.
My dad has told me that I should tell you about what the Honor Academy is about. So, here it goes; The Honor Academy (HA) is a Christian facility. The Ministry behind it is TEEN MANIA; it covers all the programs that are run at HA (which is the base that everything is run out of). The ministries that TEEN MANIA runs are: Honor Academy, Acquire the Fire (ATF), eXtreme Camps, and Global Expeditions. There are a few programs run inside the HA, but I’ll talk about them at a later date. So, I’m here at the HA and studying to pursue Gods heart. They call the HA a green house because we come here to grow our “roots” deep and to be taken care of and taught how to grow well in the Lords presence. The HA’s mission statement: Our heartbeat is, to teach a young generation to passionately pursue Jesus Christ, and to take his life giving message to the ends of the earth.
It’s just amazing how they stick to that. Wow. I never imagined that I could push myself to “jog” (my run is most peoples’ jog… I’m very slow) a little over 2 miles! With God on my side I can do anything! And I’ve found a new heart of worship. I danced for the first time in my life in worship. It was so liberating!
We had our first biweekly fast on Wednesday and I had such an encounter with God, my father and lover of my soul. At first I was just hungry and a bit angry that we couldn’t eat but as the day went on (they had worship and prayer service at the times we usually ate) I learned that fasting makes your prayers louder and your worship more meaningful and that we should do it often.
But today I really don’t remember much… it all gets mushed together here. Days run into weeks and weeks into a month! I can’t even believe I’ve been here for a month! Wow.
ESOAL is coming up. Oh! I really haven’t told you what ESOAL is! I should do that! Ok. ESOAL (emotionally stretching opportunity of a lifetime) is an event called an LTE (life transforming event). I don’t know that much about it myself. They keep it in the dark and surprise us. But I do know that it will be hard and physically challenging as well as emotionally. I really don’t know much more, except that we won’t get much sleep, we will get wet, and be miserable… yup. That’s what they told us.
Monday my core and I went to a very nice place, it was a prayer chapel and it was amazing! So peaceful and quiet and a great place to be in the presence of the Lord. We shared our testimonies (or rather finished every one) and then hung around for awhile. When my small group that stayed a little longer than everyone else decided to go I got stung by a wasp! It wasn’t too bad but, I had a hard time walking because it was on my toe (that sounds so funny!) and it hurt a lot. I couldn’t run with my core that night and I was sad. But, I’m not allergic and I could do everything the next day so it wasn’t very bad at all.
So life is amazing and I have Jesus’ love in me and his strength. I will finish finish ESOAL and I will try to blog more often! (but I won’t promise anything) God bless.

Such Fun and Excitment!

So on Sunday I went to a CCF (a community church nearby) with my core girls and it was so refreshing. The church is just like a big family and I wasn't in the children's department working with kids during service, either. It was such an amazing service, filled with prayer, worship, and a great sermon. It was so, so, so.... I can't explain it. But, it was amazing.
Afterwards (still on Sunday) we had "core day". It was even more awesome than the church service. It gave us a chance to connect with my new core. I miss my old core, but I love my new one! It's filled with beautiful women of God. They have love and understanding and I can truly be my whole self around them. I'm so comfortable here, surrounded by other people on fire for God. It such an amazing experience.
During "core day" our Core Adviser, Rachel, took us to a gorgeous rose garden. I loved it! We ran around and talked with each other and took some great pictures (I'll put them up as soon as I figure out how to)!! After that we came back and had a picnic at the Prayer Tree. Then after that we prayed for one another in small groups and then had a party/ worship get-together. We painted each others nails and talked about silly things and then ended with some of the best worship I've ever had!
Sleep came easily that night and we went to corporate at the regular time. But, Monday we found out our ministry placements!! I was SO excited!! I did have my heart set on the kitchen crew, but God told me not to expect that. He had better plans in store for me, and that I should do whatever I get with joy in my heart. And that's what happened to me! I am in HA Operations, in the curriculum department. Its lots of fun! I have a desk, but I haven't sat at it so much so far (I've only been there two days). I love my supervisor, Janell Camp, she is so cool and beautiful and in love with the Lord. And Katie Johnson, Janells Graduated Intern, assistant, is so amazing! And, that Monday night our core filled out a little card with some very cute, girly information about ourselves on it for our C.A., Rachel. It was fun.
That night I actually went to bed slightly early (we had corporate an hour earlier than normal, at 5 instead of 6). I felt great today, the entire day (except for one during Chapel, I almost fell asleep). I worked some more in my M.P. and had lots of stuff to do. They keep me very busy, and I like it! I can't wait to get deeper into this fabulous ministry! I have lots of free time and and I plan on going to Wally World later today to get some stuff I need for ESOAL.
I have to get up at 4:30 again tomorrow for cooperate at 5. And then its off into another God filled, exciting, fabulous day. I don't know what the future holds and I want to run head on into it! God will protect me and I will have my core (and brother core) to help me on this spiritual journey. ESOAL is coming fast and we are working hard to meet this challenge head on AND I WILL FINISH WITH JOY IN MY HEART!!!!

p.s. I have already noticed that I'm losing weight (or at least "inches") because my clothes are getting to be slightly loose. And, not only that I have muscles where some fat used to be! Oh my! I'm so excited about this upcoming year!

Such an Amazing Place

Oh my goodness! Sorry I haven’t updated in a while, I was very busy. So far there are almost no words that can describe what’s been going on in my life. The only one I can think of is, Godly. It’s all Him, the one who loves me the most. Oh, he IS such an awesome, amazing, fabulous, loving, dedicated, gracious, merciful, and forgiving God. So many things have happened; I don’t know how to say everything.
We were told about ESOAL again and I’m a little apprehensive, but excited. I had to ask my mom for a few things that could get trashed (because of the things that we do during it). It feels like we’ve been here for a few months already so ESOAL seems so close (and yet so far), but in reality it’s only been a few days.
I’ve made lots of new friends and am so happy to know them. Some of my new friends are in the School of Worship with me (that’s a special part of the HA for musicians). I can’t wait to start learning how to play the electric bass! This is going to be fun and challenging at the same time.
Today I will be moving cores (that’s the family of rooms that meet together) and rooms, and that makes me very sad. I love the ladies in my current core and will miss sharing the bathroom with them! Last night was the “Commitment Banquet” which signaled the end of our first week and Gauntlet. I've heard things won’t be slowing down much after the move so I still won’t have much time to get on every day.
The other night! Oh my goodness! The other night we had a massive baptism service! I was soooooooooo amazing. I got baptised again (or really: for the first time) and we all worshiped and cheered and danced to be free from Satan's temptations! Oh! What a night, I'll remember forever August 20, 2009. Just like I'll never forget January 29, 2003 (that's when I got saved by Jesus).

So today We got our new cores and room assignments. I didn't move!!!! I'm so happy. But, other girls from my core did and I will miss seeing them in the bathroom everyday. I'm excited about the new girls so I'll have more Godly friends and more sisters in Christ! I can't wait to get to know them more closely and intimately than my Gauntlet core.

It's been very hectic and frustrating moving people around the campus but once it settles down we can all sleep a little sounder... not really. We wont slow down at all. But this year is going to be so amazing!! I can't wait to find out what Gods has planed for me this year.

The Up and Coming

Oh my goodness. This place is everything I thought it was going to be and then some extra!! I can't wait for ESOAL (emotional stretching opportunity of a lifetime). I've seen a few videos on it and heard some stories but I will make it to the end and finish!! Many people don't finish this hard and exhausting challenge, but everyone learns something from there experience.
I have to say that I am sore and bruised and tired and so filled with joy. God has something amazing planed for me this year and I can't wait to find out what it is! Today, I am so proud of myself, I jogged a whole mile (at least i think it was a mile). But I didn't do it alone, I had my core (the "family" i have while I'm here), even though they may be temporary, with me the whole way and God lent me his strength. Or else I wouldn't have been able to do that.
I love my core and my CA and just all the God fearing friends I've made so far these few short (but so long) days. Orange block has just only started and gauntlet is almost over and ESOAL is creeping up fast and the Lord almighty is speaking to me every day. This year is going to be so amazing!

This is so Amazing!

WOW!!! Honor Academy is so amazing. God is speaking to me and changing me from the inside out. Yesterday we went on this "nature trek" and ended up at an obstacle course. We were told that we could do it just for fun, so I did... oh my, it was hard and I have so many bruises and I'm very sore from all the exercising we have to do, but I WILL PRESS ONWARD!!!! Like 1 Corinthians 9:27 says, I will beat my body to make it my slave so that I might not be disqualified from the race.
God is so amazing, I've never experienced so many worship times as amazing as this in a row! I can tell that I am growing. Even though its painful and trying and mentally straining, I know God will make me stronger in the end and I need to keep a pace that will glorify His name until I get there.
The speakers here have so much conviction and wisdom in the word. I've already learned so much from them and I've only been here for 2 and 1/2 days! wow...wow... I'm almost speechless of how amazing it is here. Everyone is so kind to one another and the atmosphere is just the best!
I can't wait to see what He has in store for me!

I Finally Made It!

So i finally made it here. At Honor Academy everything is going to be different!
I'm so excited! This is going to be a great experience! I can't wait, oh no! actually when I got here I hit the ground running and haven't stopped long enough to do this. So now I can. I won't be able to text for the next month except on weekends which I believe is good. We are here to grow in our walk with God and to be able to give the Gospel out into a dying world. It's going to be tough and challenging and I'm not sure how I'll survive but God will get me though it all with His strength, I can do anything through him!

Anxiousness

So today I have said good-bye to one more friend and I can't seem to sleep. It feels like I'm on the edge ready to plunge into the deep end and I don't know if I can swim or not. I'm so anxious about leaving and I'm afraid I might not make it out there...in that very big world. The suspense has gotten to me now. The day is coming but its not here yet and there isn't enough time in the world for me to be ready but the day can't come fast enough. The mixed feelings and stress I put on myself seems to be slowly wearing down my nerves. That's where the sleeplessness comes in... The nights get later and later and the mornings get earlier and earlier and a good nights sleep seems unattainable at the present time. This is the time when I believe I should let God take control, but it is very difficult and hard to do. I have the mind that I should do everything myself and I need to learn otherwise. I hope that is one of the things that changes while I am at Honor Academy, but I will never know until I go.
My family is supportive of me (though have some doubts about my mom) and it makes leaving just that much simpler (and it's a small amount indeed). I did a very large amount of shopping today and bought almost everything I might need, a few things remain but the are trivial and I can also just "steal" them from home. I can't wait until I leave but I also don't want to go. It's such a scary feeling, leaving home.

What Happens Next?

So far this week I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I can't seem to get everything I need done, done! I leave in two days and i still haven't even gotten everything I need to go; my uniform, some exercise gear, and spirals and what-not. This week snuck up on me so fast. I can't believe that summer was over this soon. When I was smaller it seemed to drag on forever, now there isn't even enough time to breathe in between seconds! I guess since I had a job this summer and did a lot of church activities the summer flew by without even a glance in my direction. Hopefully I can slow down just a bit so that I can say good-bye to my friends, I'm sad to be leaving everyone behind like this. But, I think its for the best. I need to be on my own without my parents behind me everywhere I go and doing things for me (like my laundry, I'm going to have to do it myself). I'm awfully anxious to be leaving and I almost don't want go, but it will be a new beginning for me, and everyone needs new beginnings every once in a while.
I don't know how this Honor Academy is going to work entirely yet, but God has been telling me to go, so I will. He's told me to 'go to the feast that's been prepared for me' and get some thing out of it. He's been preparing my heart and teaching me what I've been doing wrong so that I can go without hindrance and focus fully on him while I'm there. I'm not sure what will happen within the next year, but I'm positive that it will change me and my outlook on the world. I don't know what will happen next, but my savior and Lord most definitely does. So, I'm going to leave it up to Him.

Ahh... the First Impression

So, this is my first ever blog post... yes indeed. Lest start with the basics. My name is Ashley Mehl. I am 18 years old and headed to college! I'm leaving home for the first time and can't wait to get out there! I'm going to Honor Academy, which is a christian based "pre-college" facility. Its one full year and I have decided to use this blog to post my goings-on at H.A. can't wait to get started!